Banging my own drum -----------------------------(2002) Lawrence A. McFadden




Dedicated to the Goddess

of Ayahuasca


we have come to bang the drum

the land trembles with dancers

-r. robertson



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i was born a cadet

for years in the giggling

academies of my tears

the ball of chaos

and confusion the union

of strife and life

to make a difference

to live life in an instant

to be next to you and be

a million miles away

to slip through the hole

in today and swallow

eternity whole to explode

to light the bowl of crushed

souls

to linger in the love

the strength the might

of life


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the greatest of all might

the dream to be my life for life

to be thankful for the sacrifice

to strive to rise to soar to explore

holy spirit of the night the light

the twilight the feel of your divine

presence your joyful blessings

your life lessons your incredibly

beautiful sight to wonder could i

and to be shown i could to return

from the threshold bold and bright

spilling into the world of words

the thrilling and delight

my worth in life in the manifest

of verse in honor of the spirits

of earth


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the clouds are floating

in from the sea

feather lightly

ghost people are chanting

in the cornering winds

of the prairie

the mountains are still

moving at will

and all those

with self imposed halos

honoring greed gods creed

is crippling earth's destiny

great white feathered mother

of red moon

kiss me

give me dignity

help me carry the broken

wings of sorrow wings of fate

wings of strife wings of faith

in earth's resurrection

point me in the direction

of heaven


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to crack the prose

i can't let go

of the vine rooted

in my soul

to lap the sap the crucial tap

the threshold my way i am told

in ways that cannot be told

to know a knowing

beyond the point of knowing

to anoint with a showing

somewhere between

an hallucination

and halloween

the truth that is growing

in the night a glowing

i may not see the dawn

or right every wrong

but my work is not done

till the wisdom has come

i won't let go till the spirit

of the earth unfolds

i can't let go

i know


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hexed

winter sleeps next to me

i am the frozen

my soul turns crystal ice

my heart a palace in the night

halo of the moon

beam of the dream

the madness and grace

and i melt someplace

like a lake of snowflakes

touched by the hand

of god


_________________________________



hush

she is teaching my child

inside to sing

each breath an inspiration

every step a dance

the dreamscape

truthfully said a soulful quake

truthfully said the wake of serenity

truthfully said the pulse of eternity

truthfully said the treasure of insanity

everybody wants to know how

no one knows why

to tremble with joy

to fly to soar

to roar with the drum

the wisdom to come


_________________________________



i

am

a poem

of thunder

rumble

me

with the light

of the strike

touch

me

with the rain

of the clouds

toss

me

with the crack

of the sky

open

me


_________________________________



there is a tiny universe in my mind

through the threshold of the vine

for all mankind

there is a wildfire in my heart

truth and passion a single spark

i have the mark

there is a volcano in my soul

where the sorrow once flowed

now solid gold

there is a goddess in my life

who takes away the strife

queen of night

there is a timeless kindness

a saced bliss like the moment

of forever on the lips

of a kiss


_________________________________



we suffer our attachments

blood for the emotionally bled

the meaning of the meaning

the knockdown of the leaning

the knockout of the learning

going where there is no go

knowing beyond the point

of knowing where the won't

is won in the heard of apostrophes

to linger with the apostle

in the crave of today

the rave of wave after wave

of love in what makes tomorrow

today different from yesterday

the healing of the healer

the reaping of sheer words

ideas of an abstract progression

another lesson

of the divine


_________________________________



heaven sent

whose to say

words that chain

link only fools

why silence is both

tool and weapon

my only answer

in my final grasp

at last

there is nothing wrong

all is the way all is

meant to be


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goddess

you bless us

i cannot erase the taste

of your ecstacy from the

face of my soul

my how i've grown

a blossom of joy

a leaf of peace

a sprout of the vine

of the divine

i catch myself dreaming

all day in the playful

tug-of-war of words

between me and the

other world between me

and you to shear clear

through what a beautiful

view i feel you


_________________________________



call me the biggest fool of all

i fear i have no fear

i think i have wings i think

i can sing

didn't take a mountain

only took a hill and a pill

i am in total control

i can prove i'm crazier than you

i am told what to say

i am shown the way

follow me cause you too

are a fool in the truth

of giggles

in the spit of the lie

the sacred twist

the tool of the fool

two real eyes

there is no greater

obstacle than "i"