A view clear through-----------------------------(1998-2000) Lawrence A. McFadden




dedicated to Dew

"I love you more than words can tell"

J. Garcia



_________________________________



the mountain formed a view

i already knew

the smoke from many camps

consumed the wind

and the flags of many colors

communed the valley

my brothers and sisters

welcomed me home

back to the woods of my soul

back to the divine of the kind

back to a love i seldom find

back to the family of the rainbow tribes

to share in all we brought and all we do

no bowl goes empty and our wants are few

to be free to be here we believe

cause here is freedom you see

we gather in the forest

our church on earth

every july fourth

where we give birth to prayer

and verse to bless and honor

mother earth

here in the forest i formed a view

i already knew

as the flames of the fires

my sisters danced

as the rumble through the mountains

my brothers drummed

as the moon sparkled in my eyes

my spirit soared

i knew a wisdom will come

to heal the earth

and the wisdom will come

on the thunder

of drums


_________________________________



winter was still deep

in my heart when my eyes filled

with the full moon of june

and i knew soon i must gather together

the tribe and ride east

after the ritual and feast of the solstice

the mad rush to leave as early as

must work on the bus

must see who's going with us

must gather the cash for gas

and the never ending thing of what

to bring

may take two days may take two weeks

just to be able to go is a tease so sweet

to be on the highway beat

the hymn of the hum late night

when no one can sleep

the closer we get to being there

the more our troubles fade into the air

and the journey doesn't end

till we're home again


_________________________________



all afternoon the drumming grew

and a storm blew through

bringing the wind the rain and you

your hair was in streams

your eyes deep as lakes

and you danced in a flow

of body and soul

twirling between raindrops

you whirled through my view

my eyes clung to your body

as clothes and my tongue

thirsted for the raindrops

that wet you

i paused in awe and tranced

as you danced without a flaw

to your god

a dancer in the rain

you left me in flames


_________________________________



her songs filled the air

like cannibus

and like everyone of us

i too love you

there is a majick in your voice

i hear your heartbreak ache

and believe me

i make the same mistakes

but the love in your songs

heals what crippled me

the sorrow flows from your soul

is an arrow in my heart

but the sweetness in your voice

makes me too rejoice

now i know a gentle soul

to coax and soothe the pounding

of my heart in the whispers

of your words

but there is more in your songs

than what makes everyone belong

there is a voice to your voice

deep and strong and long ago

i wonder where cause the kindness

of your songs just makes me

want to care


_________________________________



enchanted

i licked the drop of dew

next thing i knew

i had climbed the tree of insanity

and leapt from the limb

of fantasy

the earth swallowed me

and i slept for an

eternity

spirits bravely defended me

as i grew tremendously

yet i awoke

when you softly spoke

my name

brushed the dirt from

my lips and showed me the view

of you nude

wet with drops of dew


_________________________________



i heard

the tribal drums

just beyond those woods

i will eat venison

and have great talk

and laughter

the sky turns turquoise

and the snow a silky mist

of downy wake in the moonlit

glow

tonight i will sleep

in the dreams of my brothers

and in the naked embrace

of my sisters


_________________________________



your eyes

glisten

in darkness

i drink

with my tongue

and lick the wind

for your shape

along the edges

of the crescent

moon

in a blood red

daze a mad man

silent in craze

my nights are wet

velvet streams

of

desire


_________________________________



dream on my pillow

and weep for me weeks

i will carry your heart

to the shade of an old oak tree

and quench every desire with

the thirsty streams of melting

snow i hold the medicine bow

of moonlit winters night

and wait till evening and the

moon to rise for you to be

nestled in my arms when you

awake

to see you smile

when you remember the last

thing we did at play

and another star explodes

in the sky each time

the fire pops and crackles

i watch for sign

and the closeness of your touch

to ache to fill every empty space

between us and the breaths that we

take and the sounds we make

fill my heart with years

and to give many gifts

is to take the sorrow

from many hearts

take from me my ache

and i will share every moon

with you


_________________________________



whenever

i am with you i am

rock hard

flat like a skipping stone

sometimes round as a tumbled soul

or sometimes licked smooth

with the tongues

of waters sweet clarity

now

i feel the rain

of sparks from the crystal

fountain rumbling deep

with the sorrow and grief

of being alone

having been with you

rock hard


_________________________________



god knows

i hear the crow

gossiping your voice

fills the night air

with songs and hot

breaths of naked wonder

in my dreams

for i too am wild

and ramble on

all fours

to hear

the ecstasy of love

from above with the ears

and many years

of silence

in the beat of my heart

your spirit speaks

to seek the spark

of my soul

and in the shrine

of your eyes

i search and hide

the thunder of our lives

found only in the distance

of sight with the

quickening of light

like two hot wet tongues

eager to search

the warmth of others

along the naked paths

of our bodies

in the temple

of our

arts


_________________________________



in the could

of the woods

your spell

caught the wind

and brought the dance

of words to me

i had to listen

before i could speak

i had to look

before i could see

your chant was now

being sung by the trees

and i shook like the

leaves

as the spirit song

swept through me


_________________________________



i want your skin tight touch

to stroke my blood lust quotes

lets chase away the hell with spells

and sing with touching tongues

the songs we have not sung

and gather the evening fire

ritually with prayer for the desire

the intent

no longer hell bent

passion

yes i have heard the horror

but my heart my soul explodes

with passion

not only can you feel the pulse

you feel the flames

and like me

want to taste the ecstasy

once again


_________________________________



puff

and your flame

ignites the night

brighter than the stars

our shadows flicker

and lick the moon

once touched

is never enough

now freed

is a newly planted seed

i bleed

the words for this

is my blood i feel your touch

for this is my body

you can hear my heart

for this is

my art


_________________________________



may your closest friend be fire

may the serpent become your staff

may silence be your most powerful weapon

and a mirror your only shield

may you walk through your dreams in the light of the day

and realize your burdens will never be more than you can carry

may you become a shadow in the mystery of the night

may you have the courage to give your only love wings

may the only sacrifice in your life be tears that heal

may your most fearful enemy be boredom

and your most glorious victory be a day of peace

may you prepare yourself not to fight to the death

but to fight to live another day

may the face of death take only your mask in life

and may your only want in life be

to die in the arms of your creator


_________________________________



you are a blessing

and i have been blessed

long ago i saw you

and the desire just grew

and grew

each time i saw you i wished

each time i see you i hope

each time i touch you i know

when i think of what's

next i am blessed

with a love for you


_________________________________



i always surrender

before i begin

you are like a prayer

answering

our tongues do more

than speak

to touch within is within

reach

there is no space between

a naked embrace

beneath the altar of

our sacred place

in darkness

the spirit of love

unfolds and glows

as a light

in our souls


_________________________________



lately

late at night

alone

and i want to play

you are the wish

upon my lips

i wish you here

to caress

and undress

i wish you here

to kiss and kiss

and kiss

i'll do fine on my

own for now

but be here quick

i wish and wish

and wish


_________________________________



i love to

massage

rocks

and hug trees

who knows in gods

eternity

this may be

the only time

they'll ever be

touched


_________________________________



i want you

to blush

with the soft kisses

of cunnilingus

something that can be

shared beautifully

between us

my affection for you

any night or afternoon

so lift up your skirt

and let me converse

something

my tongue loves more

then voice verse


_________________________________



the wind swept the coals

till they shone gold

then the fire

broke free

i

broke free

completely

and entered the forest

of my brothers and sisters

spirituality

i humbly come

to provide

and search and hide

amongst the tribes

i humbly come

to share in the grace

of our sacred place

i humbly come

to drink from

the divine chalice

of kindness

i humbly come

because all are

welcome

i humbly come

with all i can

and as many as i can

i am one

amongst thousands


_________________________________



in many regards i have

no regards regarding a few

who choose what others

should do

for if you did not choose

who could choose for you

would you choose what i

would choose if i could

choose for you

for you to choose what i

could choose would not be

new to some of you

and we could choose who

would lose between me

and you if we choose to

but we would only lose if we

did not choose that you

could not choose for me

and i could not choose

for you


_________________________________



i sit for hours

and weave glass beads

in the simple patterns

of puzzles

geometric shapes of the

abstract sacred design

of different colored beads

that break free from the

sleeve to the ground

each bead a seed

sprouts from the earth

and on the shore of every sea

beaches of sand each grain

part of a plan


_________________________________



yes

you are right

in your own religion

you are also a worshipper

with your own power

if you want me

to believe in your beliefs

i will believe as you

and if you need me

to live as you live

than i will live as you

but if you make me

to do as you do

than you have nothing sacred

and you have not listened

to our prayers


_________________________________



the returning warriors

brought the snow

that covered their tracks

and allowed them to go

to the sacred place

of grief in their soul

death is glorious defeat

yet the wives and children

who have not been slaughtered

must eat

i am old and my bow

no longer brings the buffalo

my medicine is weak

and watching my people die

is a pain i cannot speak

who survives the winter

must still survive the war

my bow i will stake in battle

any of the tribe left alive

will be given the ghosts

and the blessings

of those of us

who died


_________________________________



the ruffle of feathers

filled the air like the rumble

of thunder as if the sound

of tribal drums was a rush

of winds that twisted the dust

twirling across the prairie

in flashes of lightning there

again appears the buffalo

in stampedes of centuries ago

heard told only by the ancient ones

to my ancestors i chant

the medicine of the bow

showed many to be great warriors

throughout this land with the thunder

that today rumbles to command

the white mans hand with the early

mornings show of clearing storms

a dawn filled with the arch of rainbows

through which another warrior walks

reborn to the mother of earth

with a rock from the moon in hand

and in heart the tears of our earth mother

crying from the disease of greed

and in whose arms now embrace the earth

as wings

we are each one feather


_________________________________



I have never known a woman quite like

i knew the mistress of the sea

quite like the calm and stillness

while everything raged about me

quite like the peace and gentle touch

through the very darkest of lonely nights

quite like the silence and vision in each

whispered word of need

i have never known a woman with the

undying love for me like the possibility

of death at sea

if the metaphor of the wise is to be perched

upon mountain tops then what belly of a woman

has berthed with a sigh how a boy becomes

a man at the bottom of the sea

today my bunk is still empty in the nights of

greatest need till in the nakedness of my dreams

i taste the salt air and find myself in the cradle

of her arms as the oceans rock me still

and some mornings i awake and again i swear like

a sailor when i find in my shoes the sands of

distant shores


_________________________________



may i

give you a gift

of my touch

may i give to you

in a circular candlelit glow

music on pairs of scented wings

butterflies as you unfold

in the bold trust once held only for those

metallic arms that could hold only

your restless coals

may i give to you

the peace and tranquility

you now seek in the beating

of two hearts the rapture of all

forgotten wishes in the eyes that once

could grow as large as the dreams

we once lived by with the hope

that one day we would realize

our needs were once as simple

as the need found in being touched

for when the moon rises in my eyes

and my whole body explodes

in sweat i no longer know who or what

or how or whom or why i guess

i care so much

i feel

you with incredible ease my body dancing

atop my hands religiously my fingers

no longer mine yet with the years that hardens

a mans touch your body richly drinks

the kindness and kneads from my hands cupped

in a perfect mystery to those whose touch is sex

to believe in the ability of a much higher ecstasy

with a bond that sets our bodies free

with no regrets and now i can feel through

my hands you touching me with silent caresses

and stillness of breaths with every muscle

i flex you leading me to the next till you

release me to rest

and i am humbled at the clarity in your eyes

and i stare at my hands and remember the many times

we are to shy or too sacred

to touch

much later as we begin to speak

and ground ourselves back into the flour

of our daily bread me to the door all ready

to continually seek and you sparkling in

the view of inner peace watching the shadows

rise and dance upon the walls to the sudden

rush of wind as the door is gently pulled shut


_________________________________



i only seek the audience

of a few of

you

who i love

to write poetry to

i only seek permission

so my soul can bloom

in the want of you

to love me too

i only seek a spark

to burst me into passion

i only seek your kiss

for my soul flows

a river of words

to love you

you are the muse

of my juice


_________________________________



you taught me fire

and how to burn

with quenchless

desire

to feed want or need

till dancing in frenzy

the esctasy of please

please me

to break the spell

of hell and dwell

in sexuality till

soaring with possibility

and our actuality

becomes the spirituality

of you and me

to plant a seed

with a flame

of reality


_________________________________



i can feel

so much

drink

the medicine

of my touch

with your body

skin and muscle are like clay

shaped and formed

the ache is chased

away

i become entranced

and reach for enchantment

the flow that transmits

through your body

like a puddle or lake

ripples and quakes

soon from the throbs

of handfulls of gob

you are released

deep asleep

a rebirth of spirit

takes place

when you awake


_________________________________



even the blind can see

the crack in reality

slipping

even the deaf can hear

the crack of the sky

thundering

even i can taste

the nakedness of our bodies

lusting

even i belong

in the cry of your song

of esctasy


_________________________________



the wizards and demons

are scheming and screaming

in my head

to trick and treat

you to my bed

and sometimes

i gotta agree

in make believe

but believe you me

i worship a love for you

greater than any want or need

i worship a love for you

like the mountains and the seas

i worship a love for you

with my greatest strengths

patience and faith

you shine in my eyes

there is no shadow

cross my heart

or die

my love is forever

each day in praise

of jah spirits

that guided me to you

each day in praise

of jah spirits

guiding me with you

each day in praise

of jah love

and the blessing of

i love you


_________________________________



I don't want to fly

i want to soar

i ask my god

for your love

i hear only silence

i ask the goddess

and i am given

intuition

a slap upside the head

and the suffrage

of the human condition

i ask the moon

but the lunatic doesn't

know what to do

i ask the delta of venus

but she wants you

too

i ask for love

and i am given

insight and passion

i ask for you

alone

i ask for you

alone

i close my eyes

and ask for you

alone


_________________________________



I cannot see in my dreams

only the dark of night

have i the might

to concoct or con jour

in the world beyond yonder

to wander the paths back

to the woods of the soul

under full moon around

the sacred fire in trance

to my brothers drum and

in dance with my sisters

in chance of the spirits

to reveal the chant

to sing to you

cradled in my arms

when the world awakes

to kiss you with no mistake

to make love with the lullaby

of the early morning sky

and see the dawn rise

in your eyes

i fall asleep wishing this

and wondering why

love is blind


_________________________________



when we are in the same

place we are in the same

place i feel a pain to hear

no upon your lips so i listen

to each word carefully and

i find i seldom need to ask

at the sound of your voice

i am completely at ease

and i make alot of mistakes

because i am not afraid

to show my weaknesses

the kindness of your voice

makes me smile when you

need to school me i know

i am in the right church but

sometimes i sit in the wrong

pew and i see great medicine

in you in your ability to open

a man's heart and i find a

reason in you to never have

to close my heart again


_________________________________



be brave

take my hand

and i will understand

waiting for you is hard

and here's why i can hardly

wait

we will do what you crave

for days and days

we will do what hasn't been done

till you miss no one

you can do what you need to do

till perfection

and i do not come till

your complete exhaustion

i want your affection

to be my erection

have you ever had waters

desire to quench

all your fire

and find the joy in

rekindling

as fire

you could be blazing

as water

i could quench

and temper


_________________________________



at the gathering

in dead wood's bright flame

high on a mountain in montana

cold as hell on a summer's night

huddled around the fire

shuttling the chalice and

smoking the kind

the silence as the rain starts falling

hard and getting drenched are we

to look up and see the stars

of a cloudless sky

magnified

the rainbow i saw

yesterday after the storm

to be shown to be chosen

to see believe me

is all the belief

i will ever need

and from my heart

i will shape my art

for all to see

what appears to be

a view clear through

reality


_________________________________



i want to see

your face

in ecstasy

in my mind

for all eternity

in my heart

forever will be

in my soul

embraced

in my arms

i long for you

tremendously


_________________________________



what happens to you

happens to me

i volunteer responsibility

as before when i was

out at sea

i don't take many chances

the biggest chance i took

was you coming with me

seriously

and you agreed

and now i agree

to every possibility

from sea to shining sea

to make your choice

to take a chance

to be broke free

your most glorious

reality


_________________________________



you bring me sweet

tears of joy

like an angel

to a child

i love the kindness

between us

and the way i am at ease

when we are we

your fire has set me ablaze

burning only the darkness

in my life and all my life

i will kindle the fire

for you too

for you

to burn free

our love belongs

to the mystery of

the night

what could be said in the

day can be lived at last

at night

bonfire

and the flames

dried the rain

you danced

between me

and the fire

flickering orange

you were licking

the black sky

i was entranced

to my brothers

on the drums

to watch you dance

was majick from the

burning of the

sun


_________________________________



i have fellowships

with no end

a good hug is always

a beginning again

the advantage of age

just another page

i know you will grow

to what i now know

believe me when i say

we will be lovers

someday

to share the many gifts

our love would bring

i just say

perhaps one day

with the many years

to come

in our sacred place

from our sacred space

we will embrace


_________________________________



to kiss

the tears of bliss

and if i am not shy

you could bring tears

to my eyes

the bliss of bliss

the bliss of this

i cry with the same

happiness i saw

in my grandfather's

crying eyes

the tears of bliss

drip


_________________________________



i hear the child

within your heart sing

the beauty and grace

shows everyplace

has home's embrace

the hug with no release

everywhere with you

i find peace


_________________________________



you belong

in a vagabonds song

to sing each morning

anew like the dew

to break fast

with the tune

that will charm the day

and bring with a hum

the beautiful dreams

to come


_________________________________



i spill the words

into the fire

licking

the want of you

like a wound

i thank god

for your touch

i am burning

alive


_________________________________



there i stare

somewhere

into the sacred fire

i am not alone

touching the truth

with my tongue

the wind takes part

you are always dancing

like a flickering flame

in my heart


_________________________________



end of the road

home in ceremony alone

i light my bowl of crushed souls

exhale to the black october sky

and close my eyes

and i begin again to hear the child

in your heart sing again

my eyes wet and sparkle

and my hands throb

with heartbeats

i am at peace

but when i am alone

the child in my heart always asks

why you are not near

although your reasons are clear

i cannot answer in a way the child

in me could understand

i just take his hand

kneel and whisper

make love and faith

your greatest strengths

and one day she will stay

and never have to go

away


_________________________________



you are the deep blue

woman of flames

angel of fire

baptism

of desire

i am the deep green

sea of tranquility

at your shore

seeking the fire

that quenches

i am the water

that burns


_________________________________



i close my eyes knowing

you are somewhere inside

singing in my heart

to my soul

i grow flowing as melting

gold a lake riviling the sun

with burning love

then we touch

and i am quenched

i wonder where my mind

went

filled with song heaven

sent

when you have sung

you have given the gift

of the chosen ones


_________________________________



miles ago and miles to go

at first a step and then a dance

from the sacred fires

to the vagabonds romance

of the shared journey

two souls in the sacred union

of the road we bow to a higher power

and i know no harm will come

to you or me because our work

is not done

in the years to come

and in the days to come

we embark once again

together again

to begin anew

just us two

you try to thank me

and i wonder why cause

each time you smile

is thanks come alive

it is i who must give thanks

to you for you to be

at my side


_________________________________



you are the wish

of my kiss

dear hashish

one touch

and i am released

in peace so sweet

my dear dear hashish

without you

my tongue is not complete

with your clarity

i am pitied

without you

i love you hashish

my sweet sweet

release


_________________________________



i spoke in the tongues

of a thousand beating drums

for all the ancient ones can be heard

in the sound of one and though my mouth

is shut my heart just sings and my eyes

are closed for i am shown other things

the profane the mundane the insane

cannot humanely sustain the spirit

in this temple of a body some call flesh

so shed your best woven scarves of the

society and dance in the naked firelite

prance of a thousand pounding drums

for there is no fear if you can hear

the heartbeat of a thousand in one

or what can one say to a thousand or

one if not for the tribal bible of the

primal beat of the drum


_________________________________



the shaman

showed shame

humiliation

and went lame

but showed no blame

when the chants brought

the spirit caught with the

lodgesmoke of sweetgrass sage

and cedar and the spirit was

pleased to ask what task

was necessarily dear to which

the shaman replied if the

spirit would be so kind as

to answer the question of our

time and all the spirit could do

was rub his chin twice as to

"why would a christian kill

for christ?"