THATS HOW LIFE WORKS -------- ©2015 Lawrence A. McFadden all rights reserved
take this picture
a dying 83 year old woman sitting on
the porch of her retirement home in a
rocking chair with a cat on her lap.
she reaches over and picks up a book
and turns the pages to a poem about
her written by her ex husband 30 years
she reads the poem for the first time
and is dumbstruck. she gets so angry
and so full of piss and viniger she lives
to be 100.


my generation was taught
if you smoked ganja
there was something wrong
with you
i've been searching all my
life and i haven't found
anything wrong with me
except perhaps a long long
ganja is sacred
ganja is holy
each bowl full a victory
the only ones burned
by the flames are those
who try to put out the
no joke one smoke
and you can see all
their lies
one smoke and you
knew it mends you
one smoke and you
know you will always
find the strength to
find the truth
why each bowl full
is a victory
every time i smoke
i realize there is always
hope each time i smoke
brings me closer to my
she is sacred
she is holy
she is god's vessel
a mystery every bowl
full a victory
it all makes sense the
senses see the sense
when you say i'm wrong
i know you've been lied
to when you say i'm wrong
i know you are not right
with her
a bowl full to me is divine
a bowl full and the whole
world shines everything
is broken except when
i'm smoken
you say my love for this
plant is a symptom of a
i say my love for this plant
is a victory
my sense see what the
indicus indicates
you can't take away the
beauty i felt you can't take
away the beauty i saw
this is our love this is
our victory
yes my highness
yes your highness
each time you mend me
is our victory
a weed that loves me a
weed that brings me joy
a weed to share the music
of my heart a weed the
medicine of the bowl of
my soul
a weed
yeah i know holy shit
this is good shit
a weed god's gift in a time
when we all need this
a weed god's gift in the
vessel of her love in a sense
we all can see
a weed god's gift
our victory

if you don't see
the earth in every speck
of dirt
if you don't see
god in every person
a worth
if you don't feel
a tree if you don't
soar if you can't
kick life right
in the balls
and just
if you don't find love
at the very core
if you can't reach
peace peace once
this is the real heal
this is where you
braid the flames
and learn the
i see your hell
and raise you two
halos just so you know
these aren't self
do you see you will
are you able to tell
you will be able
to tell
do you have a moment
of eternity in the palm
of your hand
can you keep it
up or have you had
me i crave a womans
she is god's vessel
she is a verb she is
release she is belief
she sings clear through
my heart she talks
through my lips
she is the one on the tip
of my tongue she has no
face no body yet i know
she is the beauty of
i walk the path of love
alone i guess thats why
i stay stoned
i can feel i can focus
i can be a being a human
being being a being of
so far are i so far
as doves fly
my birth is to verse
the sum of all worth
is peace on earth
i walk with her hawks
i have the nod
of god
i can touch you from
here from here you
can hear my heart
do you want my want
my bliss a thousand
kisses on my lips
my gift my love
you can sense it in my
hug you can see it
in my eyes you can hear
it in your heart
when you see my blessings
you can see your blessings
what you see in me you see
in you
face to face fate to fate
faith to faith
i can tell by your hug
you want to make love
i can tell by your touch
how much you miss
i can tell by your tongue
you want me to come
but i fear all i can hear
above the clouds is god
laughing out loud
sometimes i can't tell
if this is heaven or this
is hell
after we're together
i don't want to be
i see how empty my life
is with empty arms
i keep you in my heart
i close my eyes and pray
the flame i crave naked
and insane
you stir my ash
i know why everytime i
look into your eyes
i know how how everytime
i touch you i make you
we share our art we share
our majick we share our
wisdom we share the
spirit of our hearts
this song thousands of years
long our souls thousands
of years old
i'm just glad you appreciate
old fat lazy hippies
you have given me miles
of smiles you sustain my love
you are the hands of god
above you renew my faith
in love woman you renew my
faith in my gift to give
what i am given
i know what i heard
in words was not what
you said in my
how right i was
not to judge
how all the time
how do i really feel
its real
there is a sense
a sense see
there is a bowl
of crushed souls
there is a bowl
of victory
this is my medicine
this is my path
this is my turn
when you've been through
the hell i've been through
a little love sure does
go a long long
when you've been through
the shit i've been through
a tiny giggle sure does
go a long long
when you've been through
the hurt i've been through
the slightest touch still
means so much
when you've been through
the pathos i've been through
you'll know a knowing
when you've been through
the darkness i've been through
you'll see you'll see
blessed be the
she knows when she sings
every heart has wings
she knows when she dances
every eye is enchanted
she knows when she touches
tongues you are the chosen
if only for a moment
are you the kind
who are kind
the kind who will
inherit the earth
the kind who heal
the kind who feel
a worth the kind
who birth the earth
the kind who search
this is the kindness
that will heal the
this is the kindness
of a great heart
a great hug a great
this is the kindness
that says bless you
with the words
i love you
with the words
i want you too
with the words
i would love to
with the words
thank you thank
you thank you
thats just it
i don't have power
i have medicine
i can mend i can
love love the greatest
thats just it
hands that heal
yet love is always
out of reach love
is always a defeat
a love a love so
thats just it
i ache i am alone
all i want to do is
get stoned
in winter it seems
like i've always been
chosen to be one of
the frozen so nice to be
ice a wizard of the
winter sleeps next
to me
thats just it
the ache of my heart
is my kindness the kind
of kindness that can
heal all hearts hearts
that ache to smile ache to
laugh perhaps a giggle
the ache to make
thats just it
a kindness for all
to mend your heart
with joy once
when you see a brave
heart you become
when you see a strong
heart it gives you
the courage to open
open your heart
to the glory of love
to the glory of god
when you know
god is the love
in your heart
thats just it
theres no medicine in
power there is great
power in medicine
thats just it
the greater the ache
the greater the heart
thats just it
the power of love
my cure
love the greatest
power i'm sure
thats just it
i could of said this
in a kiss
i heard the sound
of snowflakes hitting
the ground
i hear the crush
of the clouds
i feel every drop
of rain
there are sunsets
in my name
there is lightning
to tame
have you felt
the dread of winter
chill you to the
are you blessed
blessed with a home
blessed with arms
and charms to
blessed with the words
i know my love
i know
i take no chances
yet i fall in love
at least once
a day
i take no chances
yet i keep my heart
open open
you remind me
of reality
you remind me
sometimes it takes
a lifetime
i take no chances
everything is broken
even me
your touch reminds
me of how we mend
how we pour
my tongue wants to
take my hand
in yours and take
away my ache
once more
sub zero
i gulp the artic air
the blind of sun on
the rhyme of my
the hard wind really
has nowhere to go
the emptiness the
emptiness of field
and sky
the emptiness i feel
inside bare woods
bare tree high
in the hard wind
i realize the strength
of me is in the heart
of me
i love the winter
it brings me to my
knees it makes
me me
i feel chosen to be
the frozen
yes i always say
its ten below and a
forty mile an hour
wind in my
and all i can hear
between my ears
is the snowflakes
ache of touch me
touch me please
melt me
so i can again return
my worth to the
my plea too is melt me
calm this crazy blizzard
in me make me human
thaw me thaw me
you are the blaze
praise be please be
the volcano the tornado
the inferno
in me
feed my
eyes visions
i sense see do you
feel me feel you
do you feel
feed my thoughts
stars if thats where
you are
twinkle twinkle
little star
how i wonder
how you is and
how you are
feed my heart
in cups of kindness
where a kiss becomes
timeless wordless
with pureness
god is there there
in the love the love
in your heart
spirit spark
feed my soul
tobacco bold
she fills my bowl
the smoke is heaven
bound and heaven
her medicine
our victory
feed my life
love a life long love
in a hug
thank you for the
flame thank you for
the feather thank you
for my insane
that brings us all
this time perhaps
for forever
show me how
to show my affection
tell me how to tell
you my love my
touch me the way
you want to be
when you leave me
i no longer want
to be alone
you make my house
a home
wake with me
from a hard winters
i break fast i mend
i ache don't you know
my plight do you feel
my fate
my ache that reminds
me to be kind
my ache to touch you
as much as you love
to be touched
my ache to come with
the power of two
to come to please
to please you then
to please me
the majick word
please free me from
my ache
i am on my
end of winters
who knows the coming
of robins and crows
my dreams in me are
thirsty streams of melting
the worry the wait
the glory the story
thaw me
skin on skin against
the hard wind
the last snow the next
to the last flake the ache
below zero
the sky is churning
i am burning to bring
the spring to hear her
sing everyday more
and more rays
but today is frozen
rain tonight is more
snow tomorrow
minus three
i need a hand to hold
i need a fire in my soul
winter is the hardest
alone winter is the hardest
alone winter is the hardest
and yet i grow stronger
than strong bring it on
i stand bold let it snow
let it snow let it
have you seen
my dreams
do you know
my soul
is there art
my heart
a view
how much touch
my calm
no more push
and shove
my hug
from above
do you hear it
my spirit
this is my tongue
my drum
a talking trail
a paper path
a bridge
to the love in
your heart
where god
may i
amuse you
may i
soothe you
may i bring you
into my art through
my heart
its like holding
hands its like being
its the yearning
its the yearning
its the yearning
i've tried to buy it
i've tried to stop it
i've tried to hide it
yet there it is
right between my eyes
right between your
in every nook and
the ache we all create
we all make
every once in awhile
we are blessed with an
i love you
i need to know
what more can i do
after i poem you
i say
given only a choice
of two beware
when they put a spell
on you when they tell
you you are going to
hell on you
jesus jesus
thats just not true
jesus jesus
look at what they
are doing to you
jesus jesus
no wonder you're
coming back they
need saved again and
again and again
jesus jesus
please save the world
from them
if they would only stop
attaching their egos
to you
if they would only stop
using your name to
impose their will
if they would only stop
using the belief in you
for cash
jesus jesus
save us save us
at long last
many are called
to tear down the walls
to get back up from
a fall
called to be the all
you can be
but you have to be
me me me me
what are you able
to bring to the
me me me me
the blessing and the
curse the grace and
the madness blessed
be the insanity
me me me me
i cringe when someone
brags to be a shaman
i cringe because they
just don't know the
wounded soul
i cringe because they just
don't know the life long
struggle the life long
i cringe they will never
know because of their
me me me me
fact is you don't become
anything but return to
your genuine self
fact is we all have gifts
none the less none
the wiser
fact is the only power
is the power of
you you you you
i swear if you really
knew to be a shaman
would be the last thing
you would ever want
to do
sometimes we just
have to be thankfull
we don't get what we
to be a shaman is not
your choice to make
all i can say to all the
me me me me
is maybe maybe
maybe we'll
what did you see
what did you see
what did you feel
with the love in
your heart with
the blaze of art
can you make
love a song a
poem a vision
a spirit spark
this is a great
what were you told
to be told in a voice
of god's choice
to be told there ain't
nothing left to do
but rejoice rejoice
teach me
your body and
i'm looking for a new
or slightly used
you would be the best
i'd be blessed to soar
in your name to soar
in your flame to find
your love alive on every
you need me for my
crazy i will brave the
greatest crave to touch
i have the courage needed
if you say no the strength
needed of your yes
i don't want to write
alone i want to make
love poem
i need the reality
i need the divination
i need the correct
direction your touch
my life's confection
may i ask you to be
the love in my heart
the love in my art
the spirit spark
i'll know the reason
why when i look into
your eyes
please believe you and
me we need to be
a we
please be my muse
take my hand and say
i am here i am here
to stay
a major life
a major life
holy shit
not another major
life shift
i'm blessed i write best
when i have nothing
to say
one day these words are
going to be heard clear
around the world
my name will be a verb
there will be fame
but you must be looking
for love to find me
when you feel my hug
you'll know why you
chimed me
i give you reason
i give you rhyme
think of these words
as sunshine think of
me as a moon rise
may you wander in
wonder to ponder
and plunder
why i cannot lead
or follow
the future is not my
destruction the future
is my glory
the glory of love the glory
the story of larry love
may i leave two words
behind be kind i say
i'm not allowed to look
into the future the future
is not ours to see
yet i know the truth
i must trust
i see my life in a divine
light and yes i knew yes
i knew yes i knew
right church
wrong pew
more and more
my daily chore
my morning do
the first thing is to
attack attack attack
every word turn every
phrase i am crazed to
crack open the prose
to not be sentenced
with sentences
to go beyond talk
to go where time can
not go to be able to
think about my thought
yes yes yes to see to breathe
to free poetry
i let my love curl across
this page
i too am touched by the
words that touch
to create a view a need
to close your eyes and see
to touch you with the love
in your heart to mend you
with i love yous
to bring you and me to
bring us all to the beauty
of poetry
this is my calling my craft
my belonging to always
have a longing
to have fun when i awake
to think of you on the tip
of my tongue
what a great way to start
the day
my church pew
is in my shoes
i follow my feet
i am given views
outside and inside
of you my beloved
in my beloved's shoe
in the forest of our
church in the woods
of our souls our church
of constant search
i am encouraged
encouraged i say
encouraged by you
i am in awe
not a day goes by that
i'm not surprised
i become i become one
i become one with your
you tell me to spread
the news how close i am
to you
i follow the bliss the bliss
of your lips the eternal
i've learned to stay sane
when you call my name
i've learned when i need
you then you need me
i've learned to close my
eyes to see with my
i've learned all you want
me to be is to be
i see you daily in the daily
things i do
you make me laugh you
make me smile i poem
this must be why i am
alone to poem to poem
the spirit spark my god
how great thou art
i feel
the pull of the pen
i occupy this page
and begin again to once
more explore the words
that lead to your door
all i want to do is poem
you taught me to touch
to touch with my hands
and to touch with my
you taught me to give
you taught me the bridge
to where god lives
and in return my words
are heaven bound and
heaven sent
my words make love
my words will lend you
an ear
hear the word 'you' talk
to you hear the 'you' to
talk to my beloved hear
the 'you' of my beloved
talk to you and this you
is how she talks to me
these words are for those
who are a who
who knows who cares who
listens who heals who gives
who are you a who
who lives at the end of your
bridge may we hear your
poem touch us bless us
bless us all with the you
of your i love yous
they warehouse us
in poverty
they medicate us
till we can't see can't feel
can't heal
they tell us we are sick
they tell us we are diseased
lock the door and throw
away the key
they say there is no cure
because they can't cure
they say i am to blame
my lame brain dick in
my hand refrain
they cross the i and dot
the t
they will deny any
spirituality they will deny
any responsibility they
will deny you of any worth
if you can not work
they want you to fight
back thats the only way
they know what to do
with you
how many more lives
will they destroy and try
to hide
they refuse to see the gift
of god in us they refuse
to hear our prayers
its a shame they don't
fix what they cause
its a shame shame on you
you don't fucking care
i call you republican
by name
shame shame
i will sing your song
i made love all day long
i will wait till dawn
i will be where i belong
i have not seen you
for so long
i want to come along
the fun of our tongues
the best caress
a monument to this
a thousand kisses on
my lips
this is sacred our
getting naked
our love will be heard
and tonight is just
a day away
a day of crave a day
of crave yes another
day of crave yes i
heard you say
be brave
how can i kiss you
with no tongue
i don't know what
to do i have no muse
to write to you
i don't know what to
say its funny because
i write best that way
this poem is about
not being able to
write a poem
this poem is about
words that have no
use no muse
this poem is about
the hush the cry the
silent scream driven
bad dream of being
i hear the fear echo
echo echo in my
the pain is my own
when i am alone
the wound the broken
wing the peg leg the
lame brain the heart
break the ache the ache
the ache
i see your hell and raise
you two i love yous
are words the only way
i can touch you
how can i heal with my
hands when i am alone
yet god demands i open
my heart to you to the
power of love to the
power of art
he says being alone
is just the start
this time
i go below the
waterline of the
this time
i go through the
timeline of the
this time
i go across the
borderline of the
this time
i go touring along
the deadline of the
this time
is the divine still
in your mind
still like the morning
dew still like the tides
slide still like a woods
filled with snow
does the divine still
twinkle in your eye
have you found god
in the love in your
what do you see
when a child smiles
why do we climb to
the peaks for a peek
why is love our greatest
gift love our greatest
strength love our
greatest power
then why is love
a flower

it hurts me to the bone
to tell you to leave me alone
its just that i can stay sane
nude in my solitude
it hurts me to the bone
to live alone
its just that i can stay sane
nude in my solitude
it hurts me to the bone
to be alone
its just that i can stay sane
nude in my solitude
i have my words to touch
you my pulse is steel
with i love yous
if you only knew
if you only knew
what i would give
to welcome you
nude to my solitude
why do i have a child's eyes
a child's heart a child's love
a childs' joy a child's spoken
i am full of wonder full of
blunders full of thunder
i am sitting next to you
and i am a million miles
away at play
my best friend is my cat
named skat she holds me
close closer than most
yep spirituality is an
infantile regression
but you are not my god
and this is not a symptom
of a pathology and if you
tell me i'm sick i'll kick
you right in the shins as
hard as i can
yep you call me insane
but i am blessed i am
gifted and what you hate
about me is i am free
you would rather
warehouse me in poverty
and throw away the key
with all the others with
special needs
you may think you have
buried me at the bottom
of society buried me ruled
by your psychology buried
at the bottom of your hate
your greed
you have buried me
but the child in me
is the seed